Lying about books, Part II

I raised the subject of lying about books in an earlier post. First of all, here is the link to the original survey: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/mar/05/uk-reading-habits-1984. 

Apparently, the book most people lie about having read, and by some margin with 42 per cent of participants admitting to the sin, is 1984, by George Orwell. This shows a distinct lack of ambition! The book is a genuine page-turner, sci-fi (or ‘future-fi’ if you like), not overly long and not remotely scholarly or difficult in nature. The need to lie about it is, no doubt, at least partly a product of the Big Brother TV series, which goes some way towards explaining it: a lack of ambition in terms of TV viewing that leads straight to a lack of ambition in terms of the books you are going to lie about having read. 

Next on the list is Tolstoy’s War and Peace, with 31 per cent. This is not remotely surprising; it’s ‘canonised to the max’ in literary circles, and prohibitively long. A couple of people who have read it tell me it’s pretty basic stuff – like a Victorian soap opera; but soporifically dull. They probably haven’t read it anyway. 

This is followed by another giant of literature, Ulysses, by James Joyce (25 per cent). This goes into my To the Lighthouse category of self-absorbed, incomprehensible trash that actually, no one has read – so at least it’s a safe lie, as no one can ask you what your favourite bit is. It’s also the only one on the list I myself have lied about reading – but only under duress, as I was supposed to have read it (along with To the Lighthouse!) for an essay. So my favourite line in Ulysses is the only line I've read - something about a 'moo cow' walking down a road. York Notes, idiot's guides to literary novels, did a roaring trade that week. 

Third, with 24 per cent, is the Bible. I’m surprised this isn’t number one. The King James Bible, which is the traditional one, is the single most unengaging book I have ever picked up. “Oh, but the prose of Luke…” mutter its fans. But even its fans don’t recommend reading it through, from beginning to end, as it’s too dull. As that’s the way I tend to read books, I don’t think I will ever get around to the Bible. 

There was one book that I was amazed wasn’t at the top of the list – or near it. A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. It’s commonly regarded as the book which satisfies the ‘most bought, least read’ ratio most pleasingly. It has, since its publication in 1988, sold nine million copies, and although I’ve met many who’ve bought it, I’ve not met one who’s read it. I’m glad my friends are so honest! It’s supposed to be a ‘popular science book', and it is by turns impossibly dull and impossibly difficult to grasp. This is the top of my ‘Books I would lie about having read’ list. And just to rub it in, I think I would say something like “It’s good fun as a primer – you’ll read it in a day.”